just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
