She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ketchup is God's man juice
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
