Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
