remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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