i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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