Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
