he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
