Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
