the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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