So drunk its hurt
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
