I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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