I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
