my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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