Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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