I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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