Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
