Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
