My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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