I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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