I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
