So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
