I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
