After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
