I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
