I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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