She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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