Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
