I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
