I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
