Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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