I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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