ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
