I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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