I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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