What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
