is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
