There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
