well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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