You're my little dorito
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
