oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
