I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
