when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
