Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
