Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
