On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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