I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
