Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
