In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
