GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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