Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
