It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
